Oct 15 2007


Posted by J. Craig Canada in broken tooth, sleep deprivation

From about the 18th of September until yesterday, the 13 of October, I was indoors, thanks to the kindness of a stranger, who repeatedly extended themselves to me, and opened their home to me.

I spent the first week (it seems) sleeping. I was so exhausted. I know the first couple of days as soon as I could lie down and stretch out I was asleep.

He went by the pseudonym happytears on the Sentinel’s forum.

It’s the first time in years, a decade or more, I’ve been able to actually relax and rest. I have been living in fear, and afraid in my home, that long. And long stretches of it, months and years at a time, were spent in outright terror.

I spent my time indoors inside, only going out when absolutely necessary. I did try to leave before happytears got home from work, so he could have the place to himself for a few hours.

I wasn’t the only one crashing there. He was letting another young man sleep there who had just gotten a job and been thrown out by his roommates. We both slept, he on one side, I on the other, on a futon in happytears’ living room.

happytears should be gone now. For a job in another place, far away.

I wish him luck and I wish him well. He did a great deal for me, both time and expense.

I didn’t post here for the duration. I slept. I rested. I sat with my laptop and a cup of coffee and a cigarette. I showered regularly. I lived like a human being again.

He told me the change in me was remarkable, and I guess it must have been. I was exhausted, both spiritually and physically.

I lost two teeth over that period of time. A cap, that was long overdue to fall apart, fell out. There was no pain and everyone tells me that means the tooth is dead and I likely have an infection that could become lethal.

Then, two days ago (best I can recall) another tooth broke, and fell out. Now that it’s out it seems the jaw rotted out from around it. And there is no pain from that tooth either. Though I have been feeling odd all day. And have noticed a large area of what I fear is my upper jaw missing from around where the tooth was.

I continue to get the usual grief in the forums. And the spot I had been sleeping before happytears took me indoors is now fenced off and under construction. I was too tired to look for anywhere else to sleep last night, not that I think there’s anywhere else in town one can sleep. I did manage to get a few hours sleep on the sidewalk. And woke up with everything I went to sleep with, wich I fear will not be the case much longer.

I found a place in town that will let me play their piano and go there every couple of days and play ragtime, Scott Joplin, for a couple of hours. I get a lot of very nice compliments. The other day several couples sat to listen. And spoke to me, and applauded.

It’s good for me and I am amazed at how quickly, and completely, my technique is coming back.

happytears wanted to hear me play, and I had intended to play for him, but the day he left there was an event at the place that lets me use the piano, and I couldn’t play there. But I had left him with all of his furniture and so forth yet to clear out. Several people had promised to take his stuff, and none of them came through. And I just wasn’t physically strong enough to help him haul the stuff down the stairs and across the commons.

It was also hitting me pretty hard that I was outdoors again. Outside. Outcast.

I hope happytears got his place cleared out yesterday without totally exhausting himself, and is now free of this place he so desperately wanted to escape. And that he is well on his way to a new life in a new place.

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