Nov 20 2004



It’s been almost a year since my life was ripped apart yet again.

Since I tried to talk to Bonita about her giving keys out to people I didn’t even know that gave them access to my apartment.

Since she called the sheriffs and told them I was growing marijuana.

Since the jail, and the anxiety attacks and the hypomania.

Since they stole my medicine the day before Thanksgiving and tried to throw me out in the street.

Since Lanny somehow came up with $10,000 cash to bail me out of jail on Thanksgiving Day.

Since I got ‘home’ to find my computer gone, my medicine gone, my grow equipment gone, dirt all over the floor and the stink of cat-piss in my bedroom where the cat had used the dirt on the rug as a litter-box while I was in jail.

And then the terror started as my landlady and the San Bernardino sheriffs tried to steal everything I had and drive me into the street…

I’ve spent the day setting up my new domain and this blog.

It’s been hard unpacking….difficult to get the umph to do anything at all. When I open the boxes everything comes back – being chased down the street by Bonita’s nephew screaming for help, and then watching him smash my cassette recorder in the middle of the street, and then the sheriff refusing to do anything because “you were trying to record him”.

I’ve got about 3 weeks, till December 9, to file a civil suit against San Bernardino County and don’t even have a lawyer, much less a brief. Everyone I know has plead my case to every lawyer they know. No one wants it even though they say if it gets to a jury they’re sure I’d win. And my life has been so unsettled the past 4 months – with everything I own in boxes while I slept on couches and lived out of a backpack.

I still cry when I remember how Bonita and the sheriffs terrified and harassed me while I was attempting to defend myself against felony marijuana charges – how they tried to throw me out in the street so I couldn’t defend myself. How I was lost without my computer and access to the internet..

And how I somehow (with a great deal of help from my friends) managed to prevail in spite of being in a constant state of hypomania without my medicine and suffering dozens of anxiety attacks a day.

The criminal charges were dismissed. I got my equipment back. I managed to bring in a crop and supply myself with medicine. And now I have found a place to live in a more hospital county.

Of course I didn’t do this myself. I couldn’t possibly have done this alone. And one of the real bitches about the whole situation is I can’t publicly thank the people who helped me…

…it’s so depressing to think they will probably get by with it and there’s nothing I can do. Who can afford to file a civil suit against the government? Who do you call to protect you from the police?

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